A response from the heart to my Christian friend

Hey guys. This is going to be a bit of a strange post. Not another story, but rather a response to an email I received earlier today from a Christian friend of mine regarding the content of these posts, one in particular.

We exchanged a couple very civil emails and I asked this person if they would have a problem with me paraphrasing and expanding a bit on my response to them and putting it up here. They agreed, so long as I don't reveal his or her identity.

So here goes.

First: I'm sorry if what I wrote upset you.

Second: I appreciate your kind words, and I really do sincerely understand where you're concern is coming from. I don't share your faith, but I do respect it. And I can see how, from your perspective, these stories might seem ... what would the word or phrase be ... spiritually devoid? Angry?

I can't exactly disagree, but if your concern is that these stories are an expression of my deepest, most hedonistic desires, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm, at heart, a pacifist.

One of my favorite writers is a horror author named Jack Ketchum, and he's known for penning blisteringly dark and violent novels that are the literary equivalent of taking a blowtorch to one's skin. He's been accused of being a rank misogynist, a violent psychopath, and a disgusting and sadistic pornographer.

I'm going to steal his response to those accusations and appropriate it for myself. He said once that he writes about what scares him, and that his response to being scared is to get angry. That resonated with me. I wouldn't exactly say my stories are written out of anger, at least not consciously, but they are certainly an expression of the things that bother me. If you've read any of these stories you'll know that I have a pretty relentlessly dark imagination, and I've always been both blessed and cursed with the ability to imagine the absolute worst in any given situation. I'll also cop to, in my darker moments, having a pretty virulent misanthropic streak. I like people individually, but I've often had a pretty dim view of us as a species, and that certainly shows up in my writing.

But you shouldn't think that I'm walking around in a grim fog of existential anguish or a state of seething, violent rage. Most of the time I'd say I'm a pretty happy guy. And nor should you imagine that I in any way ENDORSE any of the dispicable behaviors that many (if not most) of my characters engage in. I'm not a sadist. Whenever I get an idea for a story (or a novel, or a screenplay), I think of the process as being less one of inspiration and more like contracting an infection. Writing has always been a bit like lancing a boil for me. An awful idea will occur to me, and it'll chew away at my brain until I can write it out of my system. That's it.

You accuse me of not leaving any room for hope in my stories. I'm not sure I agree 100 percent, but I'll concede that, no, hope isn't my first priority. At least not in my creative work. Some writing is meant to inspire, and I will attest to the value of that and need for it (why else would Eat, Pray, Love be such a phenomenon?). But that's not what my work is about. Creatively, I've always been more interested in turning over the rock and seeing what creepy crawlies are wriggling around down there. And I think there's value in that, as well. If you can't see the bottom, how do you know you're at the top?

And, yes, I do have a bizarre and pretty twisted sense of humor. And no, I don't apologize for it. It sort of comes with the territory.

As far as your request that I consider putting my energy into finding faith...I appreciate the sentiment and the obvious sincerity you put behind it. I'm not being condescending here. I really do. But it's not for me. This isn't a knock on your beliefs, but I simply don't share them.

My feelings won't be hurt if you decide not to read any more of my stories because, in all honesty, they probably won't get a whole lot better for you. That's why I set the "mature content" disclaimer. If you don't get anything out of this but despair and sleepless nights, then please stay away, and go with good tidings. I don't want to inflict pain on people ... at least not upon those who aren't asking for it.

And believe me when I say that there are no hard feelings. You don't need to apologize. Thanks for expressing yourself and for doing so in a respectful and caring way.